Pills, Pills, Pills, where is the ONE big one that does it all?

When you are 92, you can't remember all of them so One pill seems like a good idea. Sort of like the One-A-Day brand vitamins, but this one would fix whatever ails you.

I take one pill to energize me in the morning, another to give me a restful night. Then I swallow a mood pill, a cholesterol pill, a neuropathy pill, salt pill, and a pepper pill to go with my eggs.

I take a baby aspirin, some milk of magnesia, a zinc thing and some iron to build up my biceps, I think. My doc says to elevate my legs, keep my back straight at the dinner table and keep both hands in my lap until after grace is said. I guess that means I'm goodest boy on Russet Street.

Ponce De Leon was looking for the fountain of youth in Florida ages ago. He never found it but he did find some hot springs, which I think is the next best thing.

Now, there are a lot of retirees there from New York and refugees from Cuba. There is a lot sulphur air associated with hot springs so if you had cabbage the night before, you won't be embarrassed if a few bubbles pop up during your shower. Anyway the hot water makes you not want to take your pills because you feel better while you are in the pool. Just don't get out....ever.

Getting old is not for sissies. My dad was 86 when he died. My mom was 91. Neither one of them was ever sick that I can remember. Dad was pickled 40 years and mom was such a saint that the good Lord protected dad after He saw her swing at him.

I never had a sick day in my life until I needed a heart bypass about eight years ago. I think that is when the pillbox opened for me. I was supposed to take a pill for memory, but I forgot.

I once got shot by a fellow golfer (true story) and the bullet missed my aorta and ended up next to a neck bone. Mine.

My doctor dug it out and gave me a prescription for aspirin. He said that was all I needed as I was obviously bullet proof

Luckily, I have a housekeeper with a beautiful mind. She remembers to give me a dose of pills each morning.

If she shows up with a pill for curing a sickly golf swing, I know science has finally answered my prayer. The pro at the local golf club took one look at my lurch with a five iron and said take two pills and a nap. That's an improvement on what he told me last year. He said take two weeks off and then quit.

Well, the manager at Walgreen’s loves me. I buy so many pills and emollients from them they have my picture on the wall in the pharmacy. At least I think it's my picture. It's either me or one of those poker- playing apes.

So, I go on taking the pills and I feel great most days. I'm afraid to stop taking pills because I might find out I don't feel good.