"Why am I doing this?" I asked all the way to the sign-in table on the first Saturday of March. I had not only chosen to spend a precious weekend day at a public policy forum; I had been forced to plead my case to be allowed to attend.

Lately in the interest of Ballard, I have been leaving Ballard. Like the trek downtown for the Landmark Board meeting and now, the University of Washington campus for a Neighborhood Planning Forum sponsored by the Evans School of Public Affairs. While the Landmark Board meeting was crowded with media, according to a grad student with the attendee list, there was no one but me covering the neighborhood forum (although there was strong contingent of Ballard/Crown Hill).

Writing about Ballard prompts me to look at each street differently; to wonder how one business survives and another doesn't; how Ballard relates to the larger city. Observing the exploding mix of positive and negative changes in Ballard makes me wish it had a more united governing body, a group able to pull together all the power of district council groups, to work toward a balance of growth and preservation, public transportation, affordable housing, parks, and free parking.

Much of the changing landscape in Ballard, increased density, more traffic, the pay parking stations (but also a beautiful new park and library), are based on guidelines from the City's 1991 Comprehensive Plan. Subsequently, Neighborhood Plans were prepared throughout the city in a five-year process and adopted by the City Council in 1999. Those plans in turn led to voter levies that were approved to fund libraries and parks. Certain neighborhoods were designated for urban villages, allowing for higher population density, which Ballard is currently experiencing.

Where was I in 1991? I was right here on this block, distracted by a newborn, a sick husband, an aging cat. What about the rest of the 90's? How did I miss out on the Neighborhood Planning? Maybe I was aware, but assumed that someone else would do the work. I didn't know I'd put down such deep roots and need to take an active role in planning the neighborhood's future. Distracted by a challenging present, I was oblivious to the future. Would it have made a difference? Only one way to find out - which was why I dragged myself to the third floor of Parrington Hall with an already cold cup of coffee in hand.

The forum room had a skylight rotunda and was buzzing with reunions as community leaders and City of Seattle staff and Council packed the room. There was a sense of anticipation as Former Mayor Norm Rice welcomed the 100-plus crowd with, "this is not a public hearing on the planning process, although I know you'd like one. It is meant to be a more abstract, academic review with the goal of framing a discussion to be shared with the mayor and City Council."

Six and a half hours later I had 13 pages of handwritten notes, a great respect for former Mayor Norm Rice's skills as a facilitator, a new vocabulary list and a headache. The first two hours featured a keynote speaker on citizen involvement and panel discussion. Then we broke into facilitated small groups for two hours to discuss 10 questions regarding the challenges of reaching diverse community members in planning. I was assigned to observing in former Mayor Norm Rice's group. At 2 p.m., slightly diminished in numbers and greatly diminished in energy we reconvened beneath the skylight's scudding clouds to share the small group responses with another panel.

Many of the attendees were the veterans of the citizen groups that define and have shaped parts of the city, El Centro de la Raza, West Seattle's Neighborhood House, ACORN Housing, Common Ground, Central Area Youth Association...Some have legacies to show for their years spent in the meeting process that resulted in low income housing, cultural museums, community centers, parks. But at a cost. As City Council Member Richard McIver discussed the first five-year process of neighborhood plans he said, "last time it seemed like the winner was the last one standing."

A major topic was how the city can effectively engage the citizens in the dialogue, the infamous "process." Citizens either aren't aware of the process, can't afford the time commitment necessary, or don't believe participation will make a difference. A young man originally from Somalia commented, "Until two years ago I didn't even know there was a neighborhood center where I could pay my bills, and went I went there they didn't speak my language. How would renters or immigrants or refugees or people who speak different languages know about meetings? Plus, it's not just a matter of having a translator for the words."

Even for me, a former English major, the public policy vocabulary is mysterious: concurrency, values propositions, reciprocal accountability, relational models, and my favorite, programmatic silos. (Another participant envisioned corn - I pictured missile silos). Whether a group wants to build a park or a neighborhood wants a plan, the learning curve is stiff and time commitments are measured in years. How can most overextended people invest the time; yet what happens if they don't?

The forum didn't provide answers, just more questions about how to overcome the "learning curve" for active citizens. So many questions, if educated homeowners in Ballard struggle to organize what support is there in communities with a higher percentage of recent immigrants and fewer owners? Meanwhile a bigger question hung over the forum, whether the City can commit to the expense of this project in money and time.

The participants did have a message to send to the city: every neighborhood and every citizen group deserves to have a voice that is heard. I guess I knew all along why I was there, along with other individuals and groups from 39 neighborhoods: to be part of the process this time so that in ten years residents of Ballard and every other neighborhood can feel proud as they walk their streets, can think; we still love where we're standing.

Peggy can be reached atlargeinballard@yahoo.com. She writes additional pieces at http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/ballard.