Last week, in a fit of devotion to my bride, I drove her to Sears to find a new sports bra.

I did not dare to ask what sport she was contemplating. Good grief, could she be thinking about soccer, tennis, or the Boston marathon?

Not wishing to hang around the ladies slinky stuff department, I suggested she take her time and i would meet her at the car where I had a magazine stashed for emergencies like this.

First, though, I decided to explore the Southcenter Mall, which I have not visited for several. years. I never got past a huge mechanical female crocodile in a pool in front of the Rain Forest restaurant. I could tell it was a lady because it lived in a shopping center.

She was about 12 feet long and lived entirely off coins tossed into her pool. The bottom of the pool was covered by a million pennies, nickels and quarters. The croc's back was also adorned with coins.

While I watched, she just lay in wait like real crocs do. Pretty soon a man and his five-year-old kid came by and threw a quarter at the beast. Wow, her huge jaw with fearsome teeth snapped open wide, then closed and she just laid there again.

Then I got tired of looking at her and wandered back to find Elsbeth. As I strolled into the lingerie shop, she was nowhere to be seen. I should have tied that balloon to her ear.

As I turned to leave, a buxom lady asked if she could help me. I felt a little guilty just being there seeing all those manikins wearing nothing but underwear like in the catalogs, so I said, "Yes, I would like to see something in a size 42."

She didn't laugh but frowned and said, "I bet you would, you masher. Get out of here before I have you arrested.

I left and went out to the car and pretty soon Elsbeth showed up. I told her about the old crocodile. She couldn't believe someone would talk to me like that.

Jerry was last seen trying to avoid the croc while fishing change of that old pond with a stern lady dialing the phone for a cop. If not in jail, Jerry can be reached at wseditor@robinsonnews.com