I just read there's a large concentration of caffeine in Puget Sound. It seems that some of our lattes end up down the drain. Imagine the havoc this must wreak on the undersea kingdom, so near, yet mostly invisible.

I envision caffeinated sea lions swimming in nonstop circles frantically hoping a friendly fisherman will toss them some biscotti.

Even sadder will be the effect on those denizens of the deep, the reclusive giant Pacific octopus, one of the largest in the world. As the dregs of a million mochas sink to the bottom of the Sound they are being turned into caffeine addicts. Before long they will tire of these salt-watered-down shots of espresso, and will undoubtedly seek something stronger to calm their cravings. Picture the sight as a swarm of them surrounds a state ferry and, in one well-coordinated move, lash out with their giant tentacles to grab cups of coffee off the ferry boat riders standing on deck.

However, those sights will pale in comparison to the worst effect of all. For when this caffeine reaches the gribbles, those pesky little crustaceans eating the Seattle seawall, there will be a heavy price to pay. In short order the 70-year-old wall will be munched away and they'll start working inland, devouring everything in their way. It won't take an earthquake to bring down the viaduct, just leave it to those coffee-jazzed gribbles. And when you see the Space Needle start to sink you'll know the reason. But if we act fast we can harness our gribbles for good, instead of evil. For if we dump gallons of Starbuck's in the right locations we could get a waterfront tunnel dug really fast.

Marc Calhoun thinks a lot while making his way around West Seattle and can be reached via wseditor@robinsonnews.com