Until the family farm became agri-business, the extended family was an important unit of society. An old neighbor of ours told me about growing up on the farm in Minnesota where it was her duty to wait on her grandmother while older members of the family did the heavy chores of the farm. Her thought was, "I don't ever want to get old." But the sands of time did not respect her wish and she is no longer living. Her grandchildren are now in their peak years of employment far away from the farm chores of their ancestors. Her great-grandchildren are facing the growing pains of the teen years without the rite of passage once afforded by close knit societies of the past.

The farm family depended upon everyone carrying their own weight in doing what needed to be done to grow and harvest crops, and can or dry food for the winter. Each member of the family was responsible for doing their share.

What has changed? The nuclear family living in the city is supported by the adults who go out to the offices or factories to earn a living. Children and pregnant women are not allowed and few of the higher paying jobs are open to women. Therefore we have a closed society which is segregated - young workers separated from young children and old people. Where people are not welcomed as responsible members of society, they begin to build their own counter-culture with wearing apparel, behavior and speech to match. There is a lucrative market surrounding the teen culture as evidenced by expensive Polo Jeans and tech toys. Retired people often leave the mainstream to move into retirement residences where only those over 50 may mingle.

Since teens answer to their own way of life, they are not bound by what older members of society wish them to be. If their friends listen to horrific put-downs of females they often go along rather than be different. If teen boys expect oral sex from a teen girl, she is pressured to comply or be left out. If teens raid their parents' liquor cabinet, a young teen who wants to belong must also imbibe.

The recent firing of the radio buff who mouthed female put-downs is only the tip of the iceberg. I have wondered for years how long it would take to finally examine the horrific rap music messages that the counter-culture of this country has built into a multi-million dollar industry. Until we find a way to provide a rite of passage for young people and expect them to take responsibility in the greater society at every level of growing up, they will continue to withdraw from adult society. Likewise, if the elders of society are kept separate from younger members, their wisdom and experiences will not be shared.

Young children who are "kept" people with a life separate from the mainstream will find a way to run their own society without the wisdom of elders to guide them. Have we bred a "Lord of the Flies" culture that is coming home to haunt us? Not if the old and the young find a way to keep being involved and responsible.

I must answer the door now as our young neighbor boy has come to help my husband with the gardening. He even offered to dig up the dandelions that have begun to bloom and go to seed. So my message is, "If you don't have grandchildren nearby, adopt some." We have adopted our neighbor children and they have adopted us and we love it.

Georgie Bright Kunkel is a freelance writer and speaker who can be reached at

gnkunkel@comcast.net or 935-8663.