Memory - 1995: My oldest is eight weeks old. I can't stand the crying anymore. I am sleepy, sweaty, exhausted, and tense. I take her out for a walk around our Portland neighborhood and run into our wonderful neighbor, who has kids in their teenaged years. She looks at me, and asks to hold the baby. I hand over the crying baby, and find myself fighting my own tears. Jackie touches my shoulder and says, "Oh my gosh. I remember. I know how tired you are. But it really does go fast." Then she gets teary, too.
Memory - 2001: My father-in-law comes to visit me one summer in the family cabin in the San Juans. He looks at the kids playing on the floor and notices I look tired. He says, "You know, no one ever died wishing they would have worked more." He pats my shoulder and says, "I wish I would have been around more when mine were this age."
Memory - 2007: We head into our end-of-the-year Council Fire with my Camp Fire group, and I am tired and worn out. I have been leading a group for four years, and it is sometimes more work than I ever planned. We are packing up plates and cups for camp, and I tell my daughter that every child will get her own to keep the weekend is done. My daughter disappears outside while I am packing. Later, while I am unpacking at camp, I find my daughter's plate. Underneath, in red marker, she has written "Lilly Hennessey. Camp Fire member for four years. Group Leader: Lauri Hennessey."
The tie that binds these three stories is time and how it ebbs, flows. When I had a baby, it felt so interminable sometimes. When I had three kids younger than five here in our house? Sometimes I wanted to scream.
But my old neighbor was right. My father-in-law was right. The time has flowed so quickly. It feels like it is picking up speed now, too. My daughter begins babysitting this summer. Diapers are very long ago, as is formula, strollers and sleepless nights.
At times, making the choice to be here at home and run a business has seemed undoable. I question if I do anything well. Do the kids really benefit having a parent go to their class programs, coach their softball teams, or run their Camp Fire groups?
When I imagine my kids looking back on their lives, I think it will matter. And the time will slow down again. I will be driving across the country with my husband, looking at beautiful scenery or Civil War sites (his favorite pastime). We will be talking and relaxing and catching up. Then, we will go and visit our children. Maybe we will carry our grandchildren, and give our tired children the breaks they need. And, we will try to remind them: enjoy it. It goes very fast.
Enjoy the summer, everyone. See a drive-in movie. Put down the phone and go to the beach or to a concert in the park.
We'll see you there. The cell phone will be left at home.
Lauri Hennessey runs her own business and has three children and is enjoying her summer. She can be reached at Lauri@hennesseypr.com