'The Love Guru' misses Myers' insight

Directed by Marco Schnabel

Rated PG-13

(Two stars)

By Bruce Bulloch

After seeing a really funny movie trailer have you ever run out to see the film only to realize 90 minutes later that the entire movie produced just enough laughs to fill that trailer and nothing more?

"The Love Guru" is that kind of movie.

I know, I know, that's not the kind of criticism you'd expect to be leveled at a Mike Myers film. But whatever lightning ignited "Austin Powers" didn't strike twice with "The Love Guru."

So what went wrong?

Well, the concept seems promising enough. Myers plays Guru Pitka, an Indian guru working the pop-spirituality circuit in the celebrity-rich environs of L.A. He has an obsession with Deepak Chopra and wants nothing more than to supplant him as the number one self-help guru in America.

A coup of such magnitude requires the kind of publicity that only comes from an appearance on the Oprah show and Oprah's producers have put a price tag on a guest spot. They want Guru Pitka to mend the broken marriage of a hockey star, Romany Malco (Darren Roanoke). Malco is about to play in the Stanley Cup and ever since he split with his wife (Meagan Good) he's been worthless on the ice. Patching up Malco's marriage would put Guru Pitka in the national spotlight, on the Oprah show and well on his way to realizing his ambition.

Myers has a lot to work with: Hindu hairstyles, Bollywood dance numbers, and the occasional amorous elephant. But nothing catches fire, with the possible exception of Verne Troyer (Mini Me from the Austin Powers movies) who receives a jolt from a defibulator at a hockey game that sends him shooting into the goal. It's a very funny bit and, of course, shows up in the trailer.

Instead, the script is sloppily written. There doesn't seem to be a joke too dumb to be tossed up on the screen. One of the characters is named Guru Satchabigknoba and that is one of the more inspired bits to come out of the screen-writing sessions. Freshman director Marco Schnabel has yet to develop an ear for comic timing and he takes an extraordinarily long time to set up some of his weakest jokes. Some of the good jokes are mishandled as well. Guru Pitka gets into a fight with a rooster that's pretty funny at the start but, thanks to clunky execution, looses steam in a hurry.

With the writing gasping for air, the acting doesn't jump in to take up the slack. Justin Timberlake, who has done some very respectable work in film, looks like he had about fifteen minutes to develop his character, the hockey goalie Jacques Grande. The other actors fare no better (even Stephen Colbert isn't funny!) and the celebrity cameos are as wooden as if they were dropping in on a sitcom.

As bad jokes stumble and fall around you, there's a temptation to look for relief in the storyline. The central conflict in the movie - that Romany Malco lost his marriage because he couldn't stand up to his mother - makes no sense whatsoever. Mom (Telma Hopkins) just isn't mean enough to pull it off. And Jessica Alba, as Guru Pitka's love interest, can't seem to generate any chemistry with Myers. In the end you find yourself hoping those lovesick elephants do what you know, a half hour before it happens, they will inevitably do.

Myers' success has been built on a canny instinct for finding those foibles of American culture that are ripe for satire and then sending them up with such affection that the characters come to life. From "Wayne's World" to "Austin Powers" you laugh at his characters and love them at the same time.

That insight is missing from "The Love Guru." Guru Pitka never rises above the level of a running gag and as a result Myer's mugging for the camera begins to feel self-conscious. Guru Pitka is the kind of character that could make for a very good - and mercifully short - "Saturday Night Live" skit. But Myers and his writers haven't put in the hard work to develop him into a leading man on par with Austin Powers or Wayne Campbell. The film suffers for it and in the end your patience does too.

Bruce Bulloch may be reached via wseditor@robinsonnews.com