As previously established Doug Warne of the long running Scandinavian Hour radio show is irrepressible. Which doesn't mean that he didn't need support to cope with a string of personal losses in the last year. In typical Doug fashion he now wants to make the support he's received available to others who have lost their spouses and partners. (See irrepressible again).

Last spring Doug called to ask my help in spreading the word about a support group called Widowed Information and Consultation Services (WICS). He had begun attending their meetings after his wife's death. At the time of his phone call his mother had also just died. One week after his phone call he suffered a loss that affected the entire Scandinavian community; his radio partner of 49 years, Ron Olsen died following a car crash while traveling in Norway.

In one of those ironic twists after this third loss we didn't have a chance to speak again for months about his grief support groups. We met again just before the Christmas holidays and the subject of how there's no holiday from grief was on both our minds. Birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day...any date with a special meaning is embedded in our subconscious - always ready to poke us from the inside with a certain twinge, a dream, a weight on our chests to remind us that we have survived to mark an anniversary that our partner did not.

After Doug's wife Lena died of cancer in the fall of 2007 he attended a support group at the hospital but found it wasn't for him. Although there are support groups through churches, hospitals and non-profit organizations Swedish Medical Center also followed up with information about WICS, along with the recommendation to attend at least three meetings. Somewhat inexplicably the WICS organization doesn't have any groups in Seattle; Edmonds and Bellevue are the closest locations. So after becoming attached to both, what does Doug decide to do? Bring WICS to Seattle, specifically to Ballard, starting on February 17th in the meeting room of Ballard Landmark Inn on Leary Way.

With the support of both his groups Doug Warne is expanding the geographic range of the compassionate support that has gotten him through the last year (and brought him dozens of new friends). WICS meeting are run by widows or widowers who have received training, as has Doug. Each meeting has a suggested donation of $5.00 but their mission is such that no one will be turned away.

The Edmonds group meets during the day, is older and more inclined to find social events that are easy on the wallet. The evening Bellevue group is liable to plan dance nights, buy theater tickets en masse and decide to cruise the Panama Canal. By Doug's admission the initial meetings can be "sort of bland, what the groups do best is socialize." People exchange phone numbers and then get together for movies, "because we're all sitting home alone most of the time anyway."

What Doug values in both groups is that you are with people who know what you are talking about when you describe a crying jag or how it feels to watch everyone else pair off at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. Old-timers at the group reassure people that everyone's grieving process is different; there is no one way to grieve. It's a given that most people who have lost a spouse are not ready to meet with others for at least 3-5 months, sometimes for years. Newcomers are rarely comfortable attending on their own; they usually come first with a friend. Many older widow and widowers have their own health and mobility issues. But Doug has heard a new attendee say, "This is saving my life."

For Doug Warne the way through grief has been staying busy, volunteering to do more tasks on various boards, attending WICS, joining 2-3 more clubs until he found that he was being pulled out yet better able to face the empty apartment when he did go home. "I still get blue," he said. "We all admit that, but I don't cry much anymore."

One woman in the Edmonds group is 90 years old and mostly attends the WICS meeting to recruit volunteers for other causes such as the food bank, "Volunteering is a blessing for me." Meanwhile the Bellevue group pushed Doug to invite people for a dinner party where he finally used the good china again. At that party another widower remarked how nice it was to be with others and drink coffee from a cup with a delicate rim, not just a solitary mug.

Of course Doug has recruited me to help launch WICS in Ballard. We both know many people who have lost their spouses and partners, whether they have young children or were married for 60 years, whether they live at Hearthstone or Landmark or the house where they raised a family. Loss doesn't happen to just other people, it happens to all of us but after Valentine's and President's Day we'll face it together.

WICS groups are open to anyone, regardless of the time since death. A suggested donation of $5.00 per group is requested - however NO ONE will be refused for a lack of funds. Ballard Landmark Inn, 5433 Leary Avenue NW, Tuesday, February 17th @ 7 p.m. with future meeting dates and times to be decided at that point.