Ed. Note: This column contains adult topics that may not be suitable for all readers.

I recently met a woman at a party who was troubled by the fact that after an all-night date with a man, he promptly left in the morning, scarcely saying good-bye.

“Has that ever happened to you?” she asked my friends and me.

Willow answered, “I’m usually the one who leaves first.” We all nodded, knowing this to be true.

My other friend said, “Yeah, I pretty much sleep with my running shoes on.” We laughed, again because we know this is true.

“Oh,” the woman said. “Well, it felt weird. What should I do about it?”

“Get some handcuffs, and next time strap him to the bed,” suggested Willow.

Again, I could see this was not the advice the woman was looking for. I excused myself from the conversation, knowing if I stayed any longer I was going to tell her what she didn’t want to hear. But, she wore me down with her questions and doleful eyes, so I finally said, “It was booty call for him and something else for you.”

In order to wipe the insulted look off of her face, I continued, “There’s nothing wrong with a booty call. I’m a huge proponent of it, but only when both people agree to it.”

“Why would you agree to booty call?” she asked.

And thus, I gave Doleful Eyes a booty call lesson.

1. Booty call can mean a variety of things and play out in a variety of ways and is mutually very satisfying when both partners agree and talk about exactly what it is.
2. In order to enjoy a booty call, you first have to know what you want.
3. Don’t assume a booty call will turn into a relationship, because it rarely does.
4. If you feel as if sex is something you give, rather than receive or take, a booty call may not work for you because you are probably “giving” sex in order to receive something else and that is not what a booty call is about.

I could tell she was still confused, so I described some scenarios that worked for me.

A friend of mine, who was also going through a divorce and so was emotionally a mess but also horny, and I decided we were attracted to each other, but neither of us wanted a relationship, nor did we want to jeopardize our friendship, so we became friends with benefits.

The benefits part was clearly outlined to include very little talking and snuggling afterward and rarely ever included spending the night together. It was sex for sex's sake, and the talking and connecting mainly occurred when our clothes were on.

Doleful Eyes wrinkled her nose at this example, so I offered another anecdote about a booty call that lasted for more than six months, included spending the night, lots of talking and intimacy.

Again, we were both very clear on what the relationship was and what our expectations were so no one was left feeling hurt in the morning.

I was dating several men, didn’t want to be monogamous or in a serious relationship. Booty Call lived very close to me, was an insomniac so almost always available, and I enjoyed his company both emotionally and sexually. He was dating as well, but the relationships usually blew up before they began, so he enjoyed coming to see me to lick his wounds when this occurred.

We admired one another, respected one another and enjoyed one another but didn’t want to escalate the relationship; we liked it the way it was.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because we weren’t right for each other. And, I was recently separated. I knew better than to try to be in a relationship.”

“Do you always choose a booty call?”

“No,” I said. “And, neither do the guys. I’ve actually been turned down for booty calls several times because the guy wanted something else.”

She seemed surprised to hear this, so I explained how my current relationship started off as what I thought was mainly going to be a casual, primarily sexual thing, but when I asked him, he said, “This will be more than sex.”

I took some time to think about whether that was what I wanted and whether or not I was ready for something more and decided I was.

“I always assume it will be something more,” she said.

“I know, but the guy you were with didn’t. And when he realized you guys weren’t in sync, he put his running shoes on.”

Corbin Lewars (www.corbinlewars.com) is a writing mentor, the founder of Reality Mom and author of "Creating a Life" (Catalyst Book Press, 2010) and the forthcoming "After Glow." She lives in Ballard with her two children.