Two days after having sex, I announced to my then husband, “I’m pregnant, and it’s a girl.”

He laughed and said, “Yeah right. It took years to conceive our son.”

This is true, but nine months later our daughter was born.

I yearned for, yet simultaneously feared, having a daughter. Although I am a girl’s girl, meaning I receive most of my emotional, creative, intellectual and spiritual support from other women, I knew a relationship with a daughter would be much more complex than my relationship with my son. And, the complexity that plagued me most was around sex.

With my son, I knew my main message to him would be, “Be respectful of women and treat them kindly.” I was spared ever having to say this because he is the sweetest, gentlest, most generous boy who still, at almost 8 years of age, talks through his differences, has never used a stick or any object as a pretend gun, nor been aggressive with anyone.

Although this reassures me that he will always treat women kindly, it brings up concerns of how the women will treat him, but that is another article.

With my daughter, it was much more complex. She was born, and continues to be, a fierce, independent soul, which is lovely.

I breathe a sigh of relief every time I hear her stand up for herself and state her opinions and desires adamantly because it gives me confidence that she will not let other people take advantage of her. She has very good intuition about people and follows it, and I am reassured that she will not do something just to please the other person.

But, something was still niggling at me about my daughter, and I felt as if there was an aspect to her that I wasn’t addressing.

I realized what that aspect was when a friend offered to take pictures of us. After scrolling through several photos of my daughter looking not only beautiful but sexy, I muttered, “Oh shit. I’m in so much trouble.”

How can a 4-year-old be sexy? I kept asking myself, but I knew it didn’t matter how or why this happened. What mattered was that I didn’t ignore it.

Not only is she sexy, she shows much more curiosity about where babies come from and in general people and relationships than my son ever did. She is the one who has inquired about what the silver shiny things are in my top drawer (condoms), what kissing is like, and listens with rapture during my birds and bees and “your body is yours” talks, whereas my son barely looks up from his animal book.

She has asked numerous questions about my period and birth control pills, all of which I answer until she walks away. A sure sign to me that she’s heard enough. Yet, I still can’t help fighting the feeling that I’m not doing enough for her.

Last night, while consulting yet another friend about my perceived lack of skills in knowing how to address the sex topic with my daughter, my 24-year-old roommate came home. She told us about the drummer she had just spent the weekend with and then sighed and said, “I feel so slutty.”

“Did you want to sleep with him?" I asked.

"Yeah!” she said. “He’s hot.”

"Then you got what you wanted. There’s no reason to feel ashamed about that. Now if you slept with him only because you thought he wanted to, then there’s a problem.”

“No,” she giggled. “I kind of talked him into it.”

“Good for you!” I cheered.

She smiled, and I saw the concern leave her face. The drummer texted her and off she scurried to her room.

I started to pick up the conversation where I left off, but my friend interrupted my fretting.

“Corbin,” she said. “You are doing what you need to do with your daughter now by answering all of her questions, allowing her to be the independent little girl that she is, and showing her how to respect and appreciate herself and others. That’s why she’s sexy, because she’s confident. Isn’t that what we all want to be?”

“Well sure, but what about when she’s older and…”

“You’ll tell her what you just told your roommate. When she’s ready to explore, you’ll make sure she’s safe, knowledgeable and, most of all, doing that exploring because she wants to, not because someone wants that from her or that she has to do it to be liked.”

“Well, sure. But don’t I need to do more?”

“Of course there will be more, but you’ll know what that is at the time. Or she’ll ask it of you, and as long as you keep responding how you have been, by not shaming her or avoiding the questions, you’ll be doing the right thing.”

“Really, that’s it?” I had a moment of feeling relived and confident, but that broke once I heard her laugh and say, “For now.”

Corbin Lewars (www.corbinlewars.com) is a writing mentor, the founder of Reality Mom (www.realitymomzine.blogspot.com) and author of "Creating a Life" and the forthcoming "After Glow." She also teaches memoir and personal essay writing classes, contact her for details.