By Beth Dayo
Conflict is an inevitable part of life, and how we navigate it can significantly impact our relationships and well-being. Healthy conflict leads to growth, understanding, and strengthened relationships. Unfortunately, many of us struggle with unhealthy conflict, which causes stress, resentment, and emotional damage. How did we get here, and how do we break free from these habitual patterns of reactivity?
Unhealthy conflict is always reactive. Some of us shut down and placate, while others attack and lash out. Both are forms of reactivity and both result from a disconnection with our body in the present moment. In hindsight, we may recognize feeling bottled up or explosive, but in the moment, those feelings completely hijack our body to do the bidding of our spinning mind.
These reactions are instantaneous but stem from youth and have become a well-worn pattern of behavior. They often lead to the belief that one has a certain personality trait, such as, "having a temper", “wearing rose-colored glasses,” or "being a pushover." However, these patterns are not fixed traits; they are subject to change. The question is whether we choose to acknowledge the truth of the pattern and consciously begin the process of transforming it.
Since both healthy and unhealthy conflict stem from our connection with our body, improving body awareness is an important step to being able to engage in healthy conflict. Body awareness is not just knowing that you strong physical sensations in the face of conflict. It is a practice of balancing the body by carefully refining your sensitivity. A balanced body and mind are highly attuned to the changes experienced internally which allows us to address issues early on rather than after they've escalated.
A good movement practice develops balance and sensitivity, fostering enhanced body awareness in every moment, not just those of conflict. Because many traditional exercises teach us to ignore pain and push through, DeSensitizing us to our inner and outer environments it is important to assess the cohesiveness of your movement and life goals. Are you looking for movement that makes the body look attractive? Or movement that refines the body and mind simultaneously, empowering you toward a life and body that feel good to live in? They don’t actually have to be at odds with one another. You can have both. It just requires awareness of the potential, an idea of what is needed and a good guide to get you there.
Beth Dayo has been guiding movement and meditation in West Seattle for 13 years. Her “Meditation Makes Sense” fall cohort begins Sept 21. Or Join her studio community at Bend N Move on Delridge anytime. To learn more visit www.bendnmove.com/events and follow her @life.in.the.body on instagram.
