It is about time to update the world on how Elsbeth is doing since she had a knee replaced nearly a year ago.

We're not sure why the old one wore out. Maybe from all those potatoes she had to dig as a kid in Deutschland. But true to form, she gritted her teeth through hours of rehab. She faithfully rode a stationary bike, and claims it is a lot more comfortable than the one she used to ride back in Bochum.

We got her a cute little cane. I offered to steal one from a Christmas tree, but she rejected my offer.

All that exercise took the starch out of her, so she had to use an oxygen machine for awhile and has given up jitterbug dancing.

A year later, she still has some pain in her fake knee, but says it will be okay.

Like the rest of us, she's discovered that when you fix one body part, another one may get jealous and whine to get our attention. Lately her right hip has become arthritic, so she takes pain pills. She has been thinking about getting a new hip.

But her hearing is still terrific. When the morning coffee is done, she knows instantly, because she can hear the ding even when she is in the shower.

She got a new partial plate last week, so she won't have to gum her prime rib to death.

Otherwise, she's a tough cookie. She no longer uses that cane, and her lung doc says it's OK to go off the oxygen. I' m grateful for that, because every 10 yards, she slows down a step and waits for me to catch up so she can help me cross the street.

Around the house, I got pretty handy while she was laid up after knee surgery. This gave her big ideas about turning me into a kitchen boy.

So far I have only graduated to cooking my own breakfast, but lately

she makes me watch those cooks on teevee, and drops little hints like, "My my, that looks really good. And it sure looks easy to do."

I may not be the brightest street light on the phone pole but I get the point.

I do have one minor worry. She made an appointment to get new glasses. This is dangerous. I'm afraid she will be able to see what I really look like.

Then, when she gets her hip fixed, she will be a totally reconstructed woman and may start looking around for some guy who's got a new hip of his own.

And now that her knee is working better, I have noticed that she has cut down on the marzipan. Lately, she's been flipping through catalogs full of size nine clothes again. And why would she send away for CDs full of hip hop music?

Come to think of it, when I ask if she'd like to go to the zoo, she says, "No thanks. Take one of the kids."

That doesn't make any sense. Our kids are all middle-aged and haven't been to the zoo in years. Another thing: she always wears her jewelry when she goes shopping. Even when she goes poking around Salvation Army or Goodwill for my birthday gift. I'm getting pretty suspicious.

I'll keep an eye on her - as soon as I get my cataracts fixed.

"Blinky" Robinson can be reached at wseditor@robinsonnews.com