Shopping with Elsbeth is always an adventure.

This week we were in Fred Meyer buying groceries. I am too impatient to hang around while she examines the dates on milk cartons or reads the ingredients list on a cereal box to make sure it has some minute amount of riboflavin.

So I wandered off to sample some red grapes that are always sold in big packages that shrivel up in the back of the refrigerator where they get hidden by the bottles of apple juice she got on sale.

I would never open a sealed cello bag of grapes but if someone else has already done it and you can see a lot of grapes are missing -- well, how else are you going know if they taste right?

Then I amused myself by counting oranges, lemons, avocados, but got bored and tried browsing the Campbell's canned soups for all occasions. There are about 20 kinds.

Ho hum. I started to feel like a bear looking for Goldilocks’ house.

So I decided to find my bride. Surely by now she would have a basket full.

I checked the frozen Lean Cuisine case. The day old bread rack in case they had some day old olive bread nobody had spotted. The egg display where she would never dream of buying a dozen without opening the carton to make sure none had been cracked. The slightly green banana display because she gets tired of yellow ones getting over ripe too fast, forcing her to make banana bread again.

I began to panic. Maybe somebody stole her.

She wasn't visible down any of the mile-long aisles so I finally did the smart thing. I went to the service desk and asked what they had done with my wife. The clerk asked me her name and I told her "Elsbeth Robinson."

She then picked up a microphone and announced to whole world, "Mrs. Robinson, your husband is lost. If you wish to claim him he will be at the main entrance."

Then she broke out in song.

"Heaven help Mrs. Robinson. Heaven holds a place for those who stray. Hey Hey Hey."

When Elsbeth showed up she threatened to never take me shopping again.

As Brer Rabbit said, “Please don't throw me in that bramble bush."