When my daughter was just a toddler, I remember leaving her at the childcare in the morning. She would cry every time, like clockwork, as I walked out feeling horrible. I remember vividly how her face would light up when I came back later. That's really all she needed - me nearby.

So when do mothers and daughters go from being so clearly and wonderfully attached into the "dark years" when they hate each other?

A friend of mine recently told me about her 14-year old's "difficult years." One day her daughter simply stopped talking to her. For three years, she glared at her mom, and rolled her eyes when asked to do anything. My friend learned the new rules, and stopped hugging her daughter, or even greeting her much in a crowd. But oh, how she missed her.

Then one day, at a drama production, Jackie's daughter grabbed a camera and threw it to a friend. "Quick," she said. "Take a picture of me and my mom!" As Jackie stood and foolishly fought tears, her daughter threw her arm around her and posed for the camera. Jackie said it was the first sign of affection in three years.

Of course her daughter turned out just fine, graduated near the top of her class, went on to go to college, and she and her mother are the best of friends now.

But the years from 12 to 18?

Gulp.

Wanting to avoid this apparent inevitable train wreck, I joined with four friends in creating "Girl Power" last fall, our monthly effort to spend time with our "tween" fifth graders. We have watched "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" together. We have made fleece blankets. We have played games, and talked to each other. Last month we did "Creative Crossings."

Creative Crossings is a program, facilitated by Peggy Rubens, a school counselor with a master's in education, that seeks to help mothers negotiate those years with their girls - but do it in a fun, interactive way.

Peggy's flyer that caught my eye read, "Are you astonished to find your daughter growing up into a unique and amazing young woman? Has your daughter perfected the art of eye rolling? Are you worried about the challenges your daughter may face as she enters the middle school years and beyond? Are you craving quality time with your daughter in the midst of busy schedules? My Mother and Me! weaves together collage making, games and thought-provoking discussion in a safe, caring, playful environment. With laughter and fun, we spend the afternoon honoring your unique relationship; building community with other mothers; and looking at the dichotomy of girls wanting independence but needing support, limits and guidance. You'll leave the experience with powerful communication skills and a discovery of inner strengths and resources to help you and your daughter navigate the teenage years successfully!"

That was all it took for me. I contacted Peggy who spent the afternoon with "Girl Power," helping us have fun and get to know each other. For example, Peggy asked me to write down on a piece of paper what I most would want to do if I had a free day. My daughter then guessed, saying that I would do arts and crafts with my kids, watch a video with them, and have popcorn near the fire. I am horrified (but not surprised) to say that my response was actually that I would go by myself for the day, see a matinee somewhere and shop alone downtown. A bit of a different perspective.

Then we wrote down what things we love doing together the most - doing music together, reading together at night and going to movies. Then we wrote down what prevented us from doing that more, and found out that the "prevention" to every activity was Emma's two younger siblings. It was good to know what she loved doing, and we pledged to make the time to do it.

"I have been working as a school counselor for about 12 years. I thought about having a series of lectures for mothers, but decided instead to have a program which really celebrated the mom/daughter relationship. I believe that by using play and art, we can reach girls at their level while also giving them some ideas and help for getting through some of the tougher times. As well, it's also a chance for mothers to come together and share ideas and strategies and for girls to know the struggles that their mothers (and other mothers) have gone through," Rubens said.

Rubens uses fun and creativity in her sessions to build those connections between mother and daughter. She also puts on sessions that look more at school and bullying issues. You can find all about her classes and programs at www.creaetive-crossings.com.

Meanwhile, Rubens will be offering a session at the Fauntleroy YMCA, on May 13th, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. The cost is just $45 per pair and reservations can be made by calling 937-1000. Scholarships are available, but the class is limited to 12 mother/daughter pairs. Girls are welcome to come with any adult female mentor including grandmothers, school counselors/teachers, aunts or family friends.

As for me and Emma, I know we will be fine. We talk frequently, and share a lot of hobbies. The fact that we share a birthday could have something to do with it, but I often see a mini-me when I look at her. I have confidence that we will come out of the years that are facing us.

But in the meantime, having someone here to help, show us how to play, and help us understand each other? That's a pretty neat thing to have.

Lauri Hennessey's family-oriented column runs monthly in the West Seattle Herald. You can reach her at Lauri@hennesseypr.com