When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. -Mark Twain

I have always liked that Mark Twain quote. How many of us are absolutely, completely sure that our parents know nothing when we are teenagers? And how many of those parents are absolutely, completely aware that their children feel that way? As I have waited for my children to hit adolescence, a part of me felt much like I did after I was told I would have my first root canal.

Can it really be as bad as I think it is going to be?

We now have a child well into the "pre-teen" years. She is 11, and as a good friend tells me, she is a 35-year-old trapped in an 11-year-old's body. She is completely sure she is right, her emotions veer wildly, with the suddenness of the rides I used to enjoy at the fair, and she is all about drama.

Does she have a bad day? No, she has the worst day ever. Is she unhappy? No, she wants to stop living.

I am not exaggerating. The first time my daughter said she wanted to not live anymore, I was on the phone to counselors, crying, upset, horrified at her unhappiness. But then I took a deep breath and began to think. She had been up late acting in a show the night before. Heck, she had not had much sleep in a week. Her math test was that day. She had not eaten. And heck, it was 7 a.m. at the bus stop. She would rather have been in bed.

What I have learned in this whole "pre-teen" phase is that my daughter has become two people. She is the girl who is unhappy or worried or depressed. This happens when she is tired, sick, hungry, run down, or suffering some small sleight at school. But she is also the girl who is happy, with friends, enjoying her hobbies, and laughing and happy. Near as I figure, my job is to help her remember the good times when she is in the bad times, to help her steady the periods in between the highs, and to take it all with a grain of salt.

But then, my job is also, thank God, to still be her Mommy sometimes. Occasionally, when no one is watching, we snuggle in her bed and read a book. I love that I can talk about the world with her now. I love that we relate as equals and chat, and go shopping and see movies.

Perhaps the best sign that we will survive these days is my daughter's hobbies - writing and singing. They are my two favorite hobbies, too. And the other day, I found a piece of paper that listed her favorite singers. And No. 1 was "Mom." That means I came before Barbra Streisand.

Betcha Mark Twain couldn't even do that.

Lauri Hennessey writes "Children and More," is the mother of three children, and runs her own PR business. You can reach her at Lauri@hennesseypr.com, or find her somewhere near her 11-year old, trying not to get in the way.