I was still reflecting on the lost weekend of a previous Psychic Fair when we arrived at the new Psychic Fair.

This was a place I'd been to before, having dropped Mrs. A off for some sort of herbal reason.

We walked in to see the usual assortment of interestingly dressed individuals. Barefeet, long dresses, guys with shirts open to the navel and odd looking jewelry adorning everyone.

Incense is a pre-requisite as a mood setter and, lucky for me, there was also cake and cookies.

The Mrs. signed up for a reading with her astrologer friend and I munched on a granola cookie as I pondered the list of services.

"Reiki Master, Medical Intuitive, Astrological Reading, Runes, Cranial-Sacral, Massage Therapy.." Behind the counter a moon-eyed girl was lighting more incense and swaying to some new-age music trickling from a boombox.

Mrs. A disappeared around the corner with a man wearing socks and sandals. I decided that the only thing I was curious about was my health.

Having a bad back is a pedestrian malady, but it was the only thing I have to complain about, so I handed moon-girl a five-spot and signed up for the Medical Intuitive.

I was perusing the bookshelf and some shiny power rocks when someone called my name.

She was an imposing figure, a substantially built woman with a wild mane of reddish hair.

I followed her through the corridor as she used the whole thing up getting to our destination, a small, darkened room lit by good-smelling candles and with two chairs and a card table. We sat and introduced ourselves.

Madame Tonya got quiet, closed her eyes and tilted her big head back.

"Ahhh.. I'm sensing something... about ....your teeth."

She opened her eyes and widened them, waiting for a response from me.

" Well," I began, " I think they're doing alright."

Tonya squinted at me, " Hmmm...do you grind your teeth, there's something about the grinding of teeth." she grimaced at me, baring her own strangely smallish teeth for emphasis.

"Do you go to the dentist?" she said, somewhat accusatorily.

I felt a defensive reply welling up, but stifled it, "Every six months... no cavities!"

Tonya leaned back in her metal chair, "That's strange...oh, well...I think I sense something about...your LIVER!"

I nearly chuckled at her groping investigation. "I do enjoy my beer," I confessed.

"Ahhh..." Tonya toned, " You need to drink more water!"

She seemed satisfied at this, but I hadn't heard a word about the reason I had signed up. We sat not talking for a few moments, the ticking of her egg timer the only sound as we sized each other up.

Psychic or not, I figured she needed a clue. "You know, I was wondering about my back, it gives me a bit of trouble and..."

Tonya's face softened and she giggled, " Now we're on to something," as if she'd ferreted out the information on her own.

She leaned forward again and closed her eyes. Abruptly, she straightened up and looked me in the eye.

"YOU...need to go to a gym." Again, I stifled a chuckle. But when she got to the part about me lacking discipline, I had to let it out.

"It's true...I've never been much of a gym rat." I disguised my mirth about the pot calling the kettle black and Tonya went silent again and then said,

"You know... maybe this message is for me."

That pretty much tore it. It was all I could do to NOT ask HER for five bucks, seeing as how I'd done most of the accurate psychic-ing.

The egg timer dinged and I thanked her and made my way out through the bead curtain. The song "Fortune Teller" by the Who was running through my head as I grabbed Mrs. A, who had just finished plunking down some cash for an ornate aromatherapy diffuser, and I escorted her past the coterie of be-gowned women and slickly dressed men with piercing eyes and stone jewelry.

Safely in the van on the way home, I did damage report on our wallets.

"Well, I'm down only fifteen bucks..how about you, hon."

The Mrs. thumbed through her pocketbook and hesitated, " Oh..I guess about...twenty...twenty-eight..thirty-eight.." before she could finish, I bailed her out,

"Don't worry about it, Sweetie, as long as you enjoyed yourself, it's better than going to the casino."

She agreed and I thought about the comparisons. They both alleviate you of cash, and they're both rooms full of smoke, but at least when you leave the Psychic fair with your money gone, it's not the end of the world.