I screwed up.

I had a touch of carpal tunnel pain and overdid my exercise routine at the fitness club. Now I can't use my right hand. I need help on anything that calls for right hand use.

Try brushing your teeth left handed, writing, eating oatmeal without dripping milk on the table, or Cheerios that won't stay on the wobbly spoon.

I can't drive a car because all the knobs and handles are backward. I turn on the wipers and the headlights turn on dim.

I won't even try changing a toilet paper roll and I can't open a jar without first jamming it into my right armpit.

I tried combing my hair. No way, Jose, so I had to ask Elsbeth to comb it for me this morning. She combed it backward and then did not recognize me at the table.

How do you turn the page of the morning paper? I tried. You can't. So I just keep reading the same page. Boring. I gave up and studied a crow outside on a limb.

Don't even try to clean your fingernails with your Swiss army knife

Or peel a boiled egg.

I tried to blow my nose and never did get the hang of it. I am breathing out of one nostril as I write this with left hand pecking away.

I peeled an orange but had to use my teeth. My ears still smell like pulp.

Putting on my shoes (we planned on going to vote and Elsbeth said I could not go barefooted) so I gave up and she tied to tie my laces. Trouble is her arthritis is in her left hand and we could not coordinate our good hands.

Fergeddaboutit

Son Mike Robinson is the only left handed of our eight children. He has been that way since he was a kid but now I see why his hair always looks like it is combed backward.

Poor kid.

Jerry Robinson may be reached at publisher@robinsonnews.com