I remember talking to a friend of mine a decade ago about her pre-teen daughter, and about the difficulty in their relationship.

I also remember looking at my toddler daughter, so closely bonded to me, and not saying what was really in my mind at that moment - how did you let your relationship get this way? What happened to you? Why aren't you closer to your daughter? And, of course, the smug thought that came closely on the heels of those internal questions: Wow, I bet this won't ever happen to me.

Uh-oh.

So here I sit today with an almost-13 year old girl, and I have way too many opportunities to remember my earlier swagger. My daughter and I seem to be struggling over everything, from brushing her hair in the morning, to how often she helps out around the house. We struggle with her attitude, her tone, her remarks towards me. The list goes on and on.

Yet I hear from others that she is delightful, a leader, caring and respectful. You know things are bad when a mother finds herself envying the way strangers are treated.

This is where "Creative Crossings" comes in. I have another daughter who is coming up fast on the heels my pre-teen daughter. My younger daughter is 10, and we are as close as can be. We haven't yet entered the fighting zone, and she hasn't once rolled her eyes at me. With a desire to keep things that way, I invited Peggy Rubens to come to my Camp Fire group and talk to the group of fourth graders.

Rubens is holding a "My Mother and Me" workshop in West Seattle on Saturday, May 17, 1 p.m. to 5 p.m., at the West Seattle YMCA. It is targeted for 9- to 13 year-old girls and their moms, and allows them to do creative, interactive and fun experiences together.

Her program is targeted at moms/mentors and daughters because, as she told me, "Adolescence is such a difficult time for, well, for everyone. I thought it would be valuable to create some special time and space for mothers/mentors and daughters to interact in a fun, bonding environment."

Rubens told me the author Mary Pipher, who wrote Reviving Ophelia, says, "The parents' job is to protect. The daughter's job is to explore. Always these different tasks have created tension in parent-daughter relationships . . ." Pipher goes on to say that often girls will have an antagonistic relationship with the adults in their lives during the adolescent years, but almost always return to the earlier bond and the family values.

"My Mother and Me!" weaves together collage-making, games, and thought-provoking discussion in a safe, caring, playful environment. With laughter and fun, mothers and daughters spend the day honoring their unique relationship; building community with other mothers; and looking at the dichotomy of girls wanting independence but needing support, limits and guidance. The pairs leave the experience with powerful communication skills and a discovery of inner strengths and resources to help them navigate the teenage years successfully.

It is my hope that by attending a Creative Crossing class with my fourth grade daughter now, when we are still close and the sun rises and sets in her eyes with her mom's attention, we can lay the groundwork. We can give ourselves a place to be creative together, get to know each other, and continue deepening those bonds for the years to come.

As for my pre-teen? I know in my heart that parents get through these years. I hear wonderful stories about how their daughters "come back to them" in a few years. And I cherish the moments when my daughter and I bond, through singing, or watching a show together, or doing a sport. But mostly, I cherish those moments when we lay down arms and just talk for a few minutes. No hormones, no temper, no battles. Just a mother and daughter who were once very close, and will be that way again.

And until then? I will just keep telling her I am here. And I will give her a little room to grow.

To sign up for the West Seattle class, you can contact Creative Crossings at 463-1682 , or e-mail info@creative-crossings.com

Lauri Hennessey has written "Children and More" for 10 years now. She is the mother of three and she runs her own public relations business. You can reach her at lauri@hennesseypr.com. _