We’re all adults, right? Well, just because you make it home in time for TRL or the sheer fact that you just turned 21 does not always make it so. Don’t get me wrong I know you think it does. No.

If I may, and I will, give you a laundry list of bar etiquette to follow next time you go out to get messed up with your boys on a Saturday night.

Cash is king. Not only that, it is judge, jury and executioner. Bring paper money to the bar. Stop at an ATM and take out more than enough (including cab fare for you or a friend) for a night of drinking. The bartender will always, ALWAYS, go for the guy holding a 20 in his hand over some guy still getting his girlfriend’s drink order or fumbling with his wallet. If you must start a tab, be ready with a card and a drink order.

Know what you want. I cannot stress this enough. Have a go-to drink. It may not be what you want right now but at least right now you have a drink. If I make eye contact with you at a bar six deep with piglets looking for a teat and you are not ready, I go straight for the next drunk swine. If you want to experiment or try something new come back on Monday night, but right now I’m busy, just order.

There is no such thing as Red Bull Vodka. If you must drink this awful concoction then order it right. “May I have a vodka and Red Bull?” No one asks for a tonic and gin, do they? Do they? In case you were still wondering, no they don’t. First spirit then mixer, it’s that simple. Nobody gets a coke and rum over ice, it’s a rum and coke. That’s all I need. Martini drinkers: remember olive or twist is not a Charles Dickens character. I just need to know what you want in your cocktail.

Be polite. I am. Always. Even when I am ignoring you. Especially when I am ignoring you. I am always polite. For whatever reason you have for being rude: be it the half-dozen drink orders in front of yours, the crappy disposition you have because your girl caught you checking out some blonde across room or you’re just a jerk, be polite. Niceties go a long way with us bartenders. And it will garner you first service on the next round.

Tip. It is the one simple, tested and assured way to get the service you want. There are two people I always remember: the great tippers and the no tippers. You may be at a bar with multiple bartenders and we talk. Were you a candle on the bar you might hear, “Douche bag in the plaid shirt didn’t tip on a $60 tab, make him wait a while for his next round.” Or, “Brother in the striped sweater left the change from a $20 on 12, get him first.”

The truth is we take of those who take care of us. You are the customer. We are the service. We both want what the other has. That said if you are gratuitous with the green we will be heavy-handed with the hooch. Simply put, mind your P's & Q's and let us pour the booze.