While sitting in a café, I can’t help but overhear the girls’ conversation next to me.

“I mean, he totally didn’t even listen to what I said. I was like, dude, I told you last week that I didn’t want to go to that party, and he was like all, ‘But I thought you did.' And I was like, ‘I did, but then I changed my mind, and…”

A week later, I had a similar conversation with one of the Fabulosities, minus the “dudes” and “likes.”

“He doesn’t know what he wants. He says one thing, but then changes his mind, and he says that’s because of me.”

And several days later, a woman in her 50s from my memoir class shared a recent struggle she had with her husband.

“I know he genuinely wants to please me, but even when I spell out what I need from him, he doesn’t seem to get it.”

In each and every one of these situations I nodded and commiserated with the woman and then said, “Poor men.”

“Poor men?” they exclaimed. “What about me? I’m the one not getting my needs met.”

“Yeah, but that’s because your needs change all of the time. There’s no way in hell he can follow them.”

I’ve learned from my male friends that trying to understand their partner’s needs is an ongoing struggle.

One friend, who regularly sees a counselor with his partner, is in his own male counseling group and discusses the needs of women with his coworkers on a daily basis told me, “I still don’t have a clue what she wants from me. And I’m not alone. Every man I know feels the same way. We love you, but we don’t understand you. And, it drives us crazy.”

Like I said, poor men.

I have two dear friends who actually seek and fall in love with unbalanced women. The more erratic, the better, in their poor, niave opinions.

“But, all chicks are crazy,” I tell them. “Why would you actively seek the really insane ones?” They shrug and smile, unable to give me a reasonable answer.

When I say we are all crazy, I am not insulting womankind. Nor am I saying, “You’re all crazy” and excluding myself from this statement. I am totally crazy, and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

My craziness fuels my passion, my creativity and makes me/us very interesting people. Plus, knowing and admitting to my looniness makes me the reliable, good kind of crazy, not the slash your tires in the middle of the night crazy.

Part of being a woman, and therefore being crazy, is that what we want changes on a daily, if not minute to minute basis.

If you are recently divorced, pregnant, PMSing, peri-menopausal, menopausal, nursing or going through adolescence, what you want changes every second.

When men get into trouble is when they try to rationalize this fickle behavior. Or, God forbid, think what they do and say one day will actually receive the same results on a different day. Or make the grave mistake of not being psychic and being able to read our minds and moods without asking us annoying questions.

Poor men.

Most of them see the wild ride we are offering them as exhausting rather than thrilling, but a few of them actually do understand.

One such soul is my dear friend and astrologer, Greek Prophet, who walked into my house the other day and told me about all that he has learned from a woman’s cervix.

“I forwarded you the link,” he said excitedly. “A guy took extreme close-ups of his girlfriend’s cervix every day of the month to document the changes. It’s amazing to see. It really proves how much women change – chemically, biologically, hormonally – every day. No wonder what you say one day holds no bearing the next day. All I can do is sit and listen and try to gauge what she needs. And, when the next break down happens, I start fresh again.”

Now, that is a brilliant man. He knows to be there for a woman, but not try to fix her. He knows what she says today may not be true tomorrow. And, he knows what she needs may vary from a massage, to making dinner for her, or maybe kissing her and pressing her against the wall.

But, he doesn’t presume to know what she needs, nor does he expect her to be articulate when she is in turmoil. He listens patiently and then offers himself to her.

That’s what a woman needs.

But, he didn’t learn this on his own. He has had many women teach him this beautiful skill. Because let’s face it, whether we like it or not, the male and female brain operate very differently.

We as women need to stop hoping that men will learn how to read our minds or understand us like our girlfriends do and instead start telling them exactly what it is that we need today.

The poor saps are still trying to understand what you needed yesterday, so you need to think of your needs/mood as a weather report. Give it frequently and accurately. And, continue to do so for the rest of your life.

I know it’s difficult to articulate your needs when you are upset, but if you don’t know what you need, how can you expect him to?

Get in touch with your body, pay attention to what triggers you, what makes you feel secure and what turns you on and then tell him all about it.

Don’t be shy, don’t be coy and by all means don’t think that just because you have lived with this man for 20 years that he “knows” you. No one knows you because you change every day.

But, they want to know you, so let them in. You may fear that he’ll think you're crazy, but guess what? He already thinks you’re crazy, so show him that you’re the good, vivacious kind of crazy, not the scary kind.

Corbin Lewars (www.corbinlewars.com) is the founder of Reality Mom (www.realitymomzine.blogspot.com), author of "Creating a Life" (Catalyst Book Press, 2010) and the sexy mommy-lit book "Swings" (out for submission). She lives in Ballard with her two children.