While reading an article about the importance of mom’s night out, I eagerly anticipated the “right on!” sisterly feeling that comes when I read material close to my heart. My hope vanished mid-article when the author stated organizing four of her friends for a night out was more difficult than UN meetings on nuclear disarmament. “You need new friends,” I muttered to myself. I thanked my good fortune and plethora of less picky friends and continued reading. It only got worse as the woman described the very expensive trendy place they chose with horrible service. By the time I read, “At nine thirty I was down ninety five dollars and craving my bed,” I was resolved to write my own version of what a mom’s night out should be.

Frequent mom’s nights out will save your life. Seriously. As a mother there is not a more beneficial thing you can do for yourself. Facials, massages, buying a new pair of shoes are quick fixes. Regular time spent with your friends gives you the endurance you need to make it through the tenth load of laundry, the eighteenth making of a peanut butter sandwich, and all of the other mind numbing, yet taxing tasks we face in a week. Mom’s night out stimulates your brain, boosts your confidence, blows off steam and puts a smile on your face. And we all know when moms are happy, the family benefits.

If you’re sold on the idea, but money is a prohibiting factor, don’t let it be. Many of my favorite mom’s nights out occur for free. Several of us gather at someone’s house to drink wine, chat and eat while the kids are asleep upstairs. I am fortunate that my kids can sleep through earthquakes, loud music, and car alarms all occurring simultaneously. Even better, they aren’t here part of the week. But you don’t need a divorced friend with an empty house for a mom’s night out; you just need to get together with your friends without your kids present. Or at least not conscious.

If cabin fever is getting the best of you this winter, here are some cheap ways to go out.

Happy Hour. Happy hour has two advantages. Food and drink are served at a reduced price AND it occurs during witching hour. Rather than racing home to cook dinner, while helping your kids do their homework, breaking up a few fights, and then barking at them to go get their pajamas on, you could be drinking a gin martini (for half price), devouring food you did not cook (therefore it tastes good), and hearing about your friend’s lack of sex drive (an issue I will address soon). I, for one, rarely pay a babysitter to watch my kids sleep, so throw in the bargain of actually having my babysitter work for her $15 an hour and happy hour is too good of a bargain to pass up.

Almost all restaurants have some sort of happy hour between four and six p.m. so you can still frequent your favorite place, you just need to get there early. If you don’t get off work until six, Mona’s near Greenlake, Kate’s Pub in Wallingford, Elliott’s and the Brooklyn downtown, the Saint and Capitol Club on Capitol Hill, and Conor Byrne in Ballard all serve happy hour deals until seven. Moshi Moshi in Ballard serves happy hour in the bar all night on Sunday nights.

Dive bars. Dive bars are another cheap way to enjoy some time with your gal pals. Rather than charging you fourteen dollars for a drink, they’ll charge you six, but they may not give you a fancy glass. Don’t embarrass yourself by asking for something complicated or trendy, because you won’t get it anyway. Stick to the basics. Gin and tonic, hot toddy, whiskey on the rocks, or beer are all safe bets.
Another benefit to dive bars is the clientele and staff. Let’s face it, when mom’s go out a little flirting and attention is part of the agenda. Sure we could go drop a lot of money on the new, cool, hip place, but chances are we will leave feeling worse about ourselves and very, very old. Conversely, many of the patrons of dive bars are near ancient, so we will be deemed hot and young at such places. And since no one is trying to be cool, the other patrons and staff are often very chatty. They’ll not only pay attention to us, they’ll probably even compliment us and give us a free drink. Or in the case of Baranof in Greenwood, the (almost all female, almost all over the age of sixty) bartenders call us doll and give us free advice.

Dive bars aren’t just about the cheap drinks either. Many of them have entertainment such as pool tables, darts, music and in the case of the Water Wheel on 15th Ave NW, amateur poker night two times a week. The bartender there recently told me that after participating in amateur poker night a few times, she is now able to go to casinos and win money. She entertained me further by pulling a large, phallic item out of the freezer and said, “When a bunch of women come in I give them this chilldo to help keep their drink cold. Or for other reasons…” And to think for years I just thought the Water Wheel was an abandoned doublewide.

NLS. If bars aren’t your thing, and remember, just because you’re in a bar, doesn’t mean you have to drink, a healthier option is the naked lady spa. The NLS, otherwise known as the Olympus Spa in Lynnwood, is a great place to detox, rather than toxify. For $35 you can spend as long as you want soaking in hot tubs of varying temperature, sitting in the steam room and dry sauna, and relaxing in their four heated rooms. The floor of the rooms are covered with salt, sand, charcoal, or jade and mud, each provide healing qualities such as easing cramps, promoting circulation, and easing tension and stress. The only catch is it’s called the naked lady spa for a reason. You will be naked, as well as all of the other women in the hot tub with you. I love checking out all of the various bodies, but if public nudity isn’t your thing, don’t fret, robes are expected to be worn in the heated rooms. And once you’re submerged in the hot tub, no one can see you anyway.

Dancing. Although it requires a significant amount of energy, dancing with your girl friends can be a blast. Again, forgo the new trendy club where everyone will be at least a decade younger than you and instead choose a less respectable venue such as the Noc Noc on 2nd avenue. Noc Noc plays eighties music on Saturday nights and on more than one occasion my friends and I have shut the place down. We may be tired at ten o’clock when we drag ourselves downtown, but after a little Duran Duran and Thompson Twins, we’re revitalized.

If the starting at ten o’ clock part of that statement just killed your enthusiasm, there’s another venue for you. Every first and third Saturday, Neighbors Disco on Broadway in Capitol Hill holds Hot Flash Dances for women from 6-10 pm. You heard me, you can boogie to all of your old favorites (70s and 80s music is primarily played), in an all female environment and still be in bed by ten thirty. And it only costs ten bucks. Just in case “all female, capitol hill, Neighbors” wasn’t clue enough that this is a very gay friendly, if not primarily gay attended evening; a warning to all homophobes, this is not your cup of tea.

With the money, time and what to do problems solved, the last hurdle we have is hubby. Hubby may whine that he wants to spend time with you, or has to work late, or couldn’t possibly put the kids to bed because he too wants a night out with his friends, so you must appeal to his practical side. Tell him a night out with the girls is a great return on his investment. He invests time at home with the kids and in return, he gets a happy, mentally charged wife who just saved the family hundreds of dollars in therapy bills. Better yet, it is a known fact that when women in their late thirties and forties get together, they talk about sex. A lot. If wifey was one of the afore mentioned “my libido is dead” women, she probably won’t feel that way after a night out. A little harmless flirting in combination with open, honest and perhaps lewd discussions with her friends results in wifey coming home stimulated in more ways than one. If you put it that way, I’m guessing hubby will be more than willing to put the kids to bed for you.

Corbin Lewars is a writing mentor, the founder of Reality Mom and author of Creating a Life (Catalyst Book Press, 2010) and the forthcoming After Glow. She teaches memoir and personal essay writing classes in Ballard. Contact her for details.