By Beth Dayo

Looking back at life can be hard, especially during times we find ourselves stuck there. You know, when something went wrong, didn’t turn out as you wanted. Times you find yourself stuck replaying what happened on an endless feedback loop. In this scenario it’s easy to assume that reflecting on the past isn’t helpful—it feels like dwelling. The all too common adage these days, “Let it go.” But how?

Why Looking Back Can Feel Stuck

The usual way we revisit the past is from an energy of wanting or resisting—a literal trying to change what is now unchangeable. This kind of looking back is an attempt to avoid the emotion of the present as it is. Since there is no possibility of change the mind gets stuck here trying to resolve the unfelt emotion of the experience. 

This can lead to choices that don’t align with who we are, creating more frustration and regret. At the same time, some practices that encourage “moving on” may inadvertently bypass the past, leaving its lessons unlearned. Moving forward is most possible when we learn from it. So how do we do that exactly?

The Power of Intentional Reflection

Reflection when done well is not wallowing, or blaming; it’s about self-awareness. Revisiting choices you’ve made and exploring what they reveal about your values and needs, makes it possible and even somewhat easy to break free from unhelpful patterns. It is simple when you can understand. Kind of like a time when someone explained how and why to do a task a certain way and because you understood, you easily remember and do it that way to this day.

But how do you reflect in a way that actually helps you move forward? It’s not lamenting your regrets, and not even “taking responsibility,” as is so commonly touted as an answer. 

There are four basic steps: experiencing the emotion, exploring what you would have done differently, how doing it differently supports you and your being, and then creating a new vision for yourself and your future.

On Feb 22nd, we’ll gather together and go through the process together for your unique situation. Whether a breakup or job loss, financial struggle or other issue, we’ll guide you through a simple yet powerful exercise to help you uncover what truly matters to you and create a vision for the future. Even better yet, we will enjoy a potluck and make new friends in the process. To register visit www.Bendnmove.com/events

Beth Dayo, the creator of Life in the Body, a pathway to whole body living, has been serving clients in West Seattle for 14 years. She teaches these principles and practices to unlock the transformative power of mindful movement at her studio Bend N Move on Delridge Way.