By Kyra-lin Hom

I had the joy of watching Pixar's new film Inside Out in theaters this week. It's an adorable, clever, moral-driven story about the complex emotional life of an eleven year old girl. The main characters are quite literally Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust. Captained by Joy, the five emotions run Riley's “headquarters,” dictating her behavior. And though the film is technically about Riley, the arc of the story follows Joy on her path to understanding that Riley doesn't always have to be happy.

The moral is remarkably adult for what is supposedly a children's cartoon. Then again, that should be no surprise to anyone familiar with the Pixar lineup. Most famously, let's all recall Up released in 2009. Anyone who didn't get at least a little misty-eyed during that opening sequence has no heart.

The concept that other emotions such as grief and rage are just as important to our development as full human beings is refreshing, especially since we often find ourselves mired in a culture that asks people to be happy and content all the time. We romanticize the so-called negative emotions in our media, but are not comfortable with indulging in them in real life. Or perhaps more accurately, we are not comfortable when we are around other people who do so.

Biologically, that makes sense. Humans have a remarkable capacity for empathy. It's one of several neurological processes necessary for us to thrive in such large and complex social arenas. Scientific research involving fMRI scans has proven that, when we see someone hurting, we literally feel a sympathetic pain. Our state mirrors theirs. And the closer we are to that someone, the more potent our empathic response.

So again, it makes sense that, when we see someone in any kind of pain, we feel compelled to help make that pain go away. Our only other options are to distance ourselves or suffer with them. Similarly, there is a pressure to feel perceived by others as 'normal.' So when individuals for whom we feel responsible deviate from the happy medium, we are doubly eager to 'fix' their attitude.

But sometimes that eagerness to placate actually makes things worse. I can recall more than one instance when my enthusiastic cheer up routine has been the exact opposite of what a friend needed. And I vividly remember an evening when my niece was cranky and so decided to pout in a corner until dinner was ready. Any and all efforts to cheer her up in the interim only caused her to lash out, whereas she would have been perfectly fine until dinner if we had let her be. Of course, I've been on the other side of this scenario as well. We all have.

As I watched the character Riley grow up on screen, her emotions became more complex. Joy learned to share the controls because, even though doing that was far outside of her comfort zone, it's what was best for Riley. That's something we can all learn from.

Obviously, we want ourselves and our loved ones to be happy, but no one can be happy 100% of the time. That's okay. Sometimes it's more important that we listen, commiserate or just accept than try and repair something that was never broken in the first place.