By Pat Cashman

Old Man Walters lived two doors down from us. In fairness, Mr. Walters probably wasn’t all that old, but when I was a kid anybody that had a job and real responsibilities was old.

Old Man Walters was a mill-worker and had been since he graduated high school. (I found out years later his first name was Walter. Yes, Walter Walters. His parents must have been quite lazy.)

Whenever my younger brothers or I would encounter him he’d always say something like: “I’ve got six years, three months, two weeks and five days left until I can retire from that $#@&! job!”

Next time we saw him it might be: “I got four years, seven months, three weeks and two days left until I can retire from that $#@&! job!” The point was that he knew his coming retirement day down to the moment---and for him it couldn’t come soon enough.

Walters would regale my dad with stories about all the things he was NOT going to do when that glorious day finally arrived. “I’m going to just sit around do NOTHING,” he declared. “And when I’m not doing nothing, I’ll be sleeping.” It seems he never harbored plans to be a motivational speaker.

He salivated over the prospect of being idle the way a dog drools over a Snausage.
Yet, some people think Snausages may not be good for dogs. Retirement certainly turned out that way for Old Man Walters.

Because two months, three weeks and four days after he quit that $#@&! job, Old Man Walters got sick and died.

It really happened.

I’m not sure what lesson to draw from it. Perhaps it can be found in some words ascribed to Pablo Casals---a guy who never really retired from his brilliant musical career, because he always found room for cello. (Sorry for that one.)

Casals said, “To retire is the beginning of death.” He may not have meant it to be as literally true as it turned out for Old Man Walters---but then again, maybe he did.
Certainly some people never feel they can ever retire entirely for financial reasons. Apparently Warren Buffet feels that way. After all, as has been often said, when you get out of the rat race you have to try and get by on less cheese.

Some people embrace their retirements happily. A guy I used to work with absolutely
loved the idea from day one. His attitude is quite different than Old Man Walters. He has traveled to every place on the globe---even Antarctica. (He loved it there, although he’s still wondering why he brought along a swimsuit.)

Another acquaintance spent his entire working life on the road---a traveling salesman who saw every burg from Schenectady to Weed. Retirement for him is the delight of NOT traveling---and he now loves finally being home. He delights in the much-quoted saying, “Retirement means I can stop living at work and begin working at living.”

My aunt and uncle were another story. My uncle was born retired, it seemed---but his wife kept working into her 70’s. Someone finally asked her why she didn’t call it quits. She said, “You want the truth? I like my job. Besides, if I had to be home all day with that guy I’d go nuts.”

They loved each other, but like Shakespeare said, “Distance lends enchantment.”

A story in the New York Times last week noted that more Americans these days are opting for phased retirement instead of a complete withdrawal from the work force. Of course, I think we all know people who started withdrawal from doing much work pretty much from the first day they started---a really, really long “phased” retirement.

A couple of nights ago, a friend of mine had what he called a “Semi-Retirement Party.”
There was lots of booze and plenty of speech making---and the speeches got slurrier as the bottles got emptier. But my semi-retiring friend made one thing clear. “I have no intention of hanging up my spurs,” he announced.

That came as a shock to everyone. No one knew he wore spurs.

He’s a gastroenterologist.

pat@patcashman.com
Pat can be seen on a brand new sketch show “Up Late NW” airing Saturdays on KING 5 and throughout Washington and Oregon. He also co-hosts weekly on-line talk show: www.Peculiarpodcast.com