While emceeing a fundraising event the other night, I thought back twenty years ago to another time I had hosted the same event---and recalled saxophonist Kenny G and the night I tried to impersonate him. More on that shortly.

Note his last name is G with no period after. President Harry Truman had S for a middle name. That’s all, just S. It didn’t stand for anything, so some people write it with no period ---an interesting bit of trivia perhaps, but only if you’ve got nothing better to think about.

The G in Kenny G’s name does stand for something: his actual last name, Gorelick. He grew up in Seattle, went to Franklin High School---and ultimately became a huge music star. Sounds simple, doesn’t it?
Kenny G has sold more albums than Pearl Jam and me combined.

He’s even bigger in China. Some say this is because in a country that seems to frown on sex---a word like sax is the next best thing.

In 1997, G (presumably his legal last name and the one he uses to write checks) set a Guinness world record. It was not the record for drinking the most Guinness however. My college roommate still holds that one. No, wait! It was Blitz-Weinhard.

But G’s record is for holding the longest continuous note on a saxophone (an E-flat) for over 45 minutes. During that time, he didn’t stop to take a breath---or eat at a Chipotle restaurant.

He used a technique similar to the one whales use to stay under water for long periods---but G did it without the use of a blowhole---or eating krill.

The trick is called circular breathing. It’s when the musician simultaneously inhales through the nose while blowing through the mouthpiece without pauses. Normally, you’d think that musician would have to be pretty drunk to do it.

People playing woodwind instruments can sometimes master it. Drummers and accordionists almost never do.

Besides Kenny G, famous circular breathing musicians include Clark Terry, Roland Kirk and Wynton Marsalis. The list does not include many rock musicians---even though some are well practiced at inhaling through the nose.

But now Kenny G has announced he will soon try to break his own continuous note record---this time maintaining a single note for the entire duration of an airplane flight. This will almost certainly mean he will not be served any snacks or beer---as he keeps his sax in the full and upright position.

No word on who the passenger in the adjoining seat will be. But it’s usually me---unless I’m already booked next to a crying baby.

Actually, G’s attempt will be part of a charity fundraiser, so his heart and mouth is in the right place. Which brings me to the time I was asked to impersonate him.

The event was a big fundraiser for a wonderful organization. I was asked to be the emcee for the evening’s special program and live auction. In a preliminary meeting with the even t planners I was told that the event, while always popular, had a recurring problem. “It’s always hard to get our guests to move from the foyer into the main ballroom for the start of the evening program. We just can’t get their attention.”

So someone had come up with an idea: “We were thinking that since our special guest attraction that night will be Kenny G---you might be able to trick the audience.” They had my attention.

“We would like you to dress up like Kenny---even wear a long, curly wig---and then when we swing the ballroom doors open, you’ll pretend to be playing the sax on stage,” they said. “We’ll play a track from his latest album---and when people see you (as Kenny) they will be so excited, they’ll rush right into the room and get seated.”

I was dubious. “I’m not really built the same as Kenny,” I said. “Plus, I don’t even know how to hold a sax nor do I remotely look like him.”

“We thought of that,” they said. “You should keep your back to the audience the whole time. That will almost certainly fool them.” Of course it would.

The big night arrived. I donned the outfit they had provided: a white satin tuxedo. Then I
screwed on a long curly wig. I checked myself in the mirror. I looked more like Howard
Stern than Kenny G.

“This isn’t going to work, “ I said to someone---myself. But the die---and lie---was cast. So I took my place on the stage, saxophone in hand, mouthpiece in mouth. The music track began to play. I faced away and began to sway.

The doors swung open. People began filing in. I could hear some excited murmuring. Maybe this was working!

Then I heard someone say---quite clearly: “Looks like an imposter. Unless Kenny G has a lot bigger butt than I thought.”

True story.

pat@patcashman.com
Pat can be seen on a brand new sketch show “Up Late NW” airing Saturdays on KING 5 and throughout Washington and Oregon. He also co-hosts a weekly on-line talk show: Peculiarpodcast.com